setting an example

ok... so I have on demand now and thought I would see what they offer in the exercise dept. I have to say I am soaked and need to get my gross arce up in the shower but the motivation is here for a good blog so here I am stinking it up and not looking too pretty!

as I am doing my "start it up" work out from the TV, my son comes along and starts irritating me because he is in my bubble of space and I am trying to focus... I shoo him away... "back up!!" I am really wanting to quit at this moment in time and "Debbie" my instructor starts with the push up section. Yeah right I said...

next thing I hear my son... you can do it mama (yes, he is 10 and maybe a little too old to be calling me mama, but I love it when they do) and that was all i needed to hear. I finished it, at my own pace... which will get better as I continue on but I was happy to know that what I was doing was positive for my kids...(as they sat on the couch and watched!!! LOL)

it is progress peeps! and steps in the right direction and that is all I can ask for!

attitude attitude

o.k. I admit it ~ I am motivated but have to say I have had twinges of it wavering a bit. Haven't gone off the program or even thought of going off the program but was ... I don't know how to put it... wanting something else? self sabotage? don't know for sure. I went to my weigh in and have lost another 2.8 lbs this week for a total of 15.3 . It pumped me up and got that little bit of out of focus attitude back in focus. went to get measurements done but little change. Consultant figured they were done wrong in the 1st place because with this much weight loss in 4 weeks should show more and I can literally feel it in my clothes. Especially up top if you catch my drift!! anyhoo... I am getting ready to start the chat brats challenge and looking forward to having a great support system of exercise buddies.

I just want to say that nothing is worth deterring from the plan. that doesn't mean that life won't throw you some curves, it is just a matter of staying in the box and hitting the next ball!

OH... Picture is courtesy of Ruth. It was taken Aug 20th / 2007.
I have her photography website links and if you need a photographer she is your gal! she is awesome, has great touch up skills - should have seen my before picture!! LOL - check it out

the rut

thought a little blogger therapy might lift my spirits. I am tired today and have been draggin my butt about getting on the treadmill and getting homework done as well. Just wasting the day away watching movies. Who ever came up with On Demand should be shot! but I have watched some good movies today....

I am fighting being in "the rut" today. I hate that when I just want to procrastinate and be in denial. Went to mexican food last night and handled it pretty well but some of the lasting side effects are not good. I am just wanting to...hmmmmmm.... self sabatoge would be the 100% honest answer instead of some lame excuse I might have typed in. crazy.... no excuses, no more waiting... so perhaps the blogger therapy is getting me to snap out of it!

the only way out of it is to do something about it instead of waiting for something to happen...

will post progress pictures this week for sure

Ding Dongs!!

wow... here at work... twiddling my thumbs and went into the shop to get a screwdriver to hang the dang papertowel thing and found myself reaching for a ding dong out of the freezer. I put it back, but I didn't even want the dang thing and it was almost a challenge of will power as to who was going to win... fat cathy or getting healthy cathy. getting healthy cathy won easily but I guess I needed to acknowledge that those mindless tendencies for SUGAR are still there. I just ate a mango too 3 minutes prior to this happening....

well I am the declared winner for todays battle and the war will wage on!

Chat Brats Unite!

so I have been on an exercise kick and it all makes sense because it has been about 3 full weeks now and it is becoming habit and routine and part of my life to get some workout it... but in the JC chat room a few of us have decided to challenge each other with exercise and the blog of Chat Brats was born. I am very excited for the ring of support this creates and to go thru this with others who have walked in your shoes is more than anyone can ask for! I am still having success with the program but have quite a challenge ahead of me for tomorrow as I am dining with friends at MEXICAN FOOD.... one of my favorites! but I have a plan as my breakfast calls for adding an ounce of meat and my dinner gives me 4 ounces of meat, I will save those and have 5 ounces of pollo asada, which I believe translates to grilled chicken... and one tortilla and lots of pico de gallo and no chips! chips not worth the starch and fat would rather spend it on the tortilla! I don't fear the dining out until the smell of the fajitas and guacamole! LOL....

well...dinner and treadmill are calling my name ~ til'later

sweatin' mad

ok...so I just did 30 intense minutes on the treadmill and WOW I pushed up the incline, got the tunes going and all of the sudden my mind explodes! I really think this weight loss is helping me lose other aspects of my life as well and it seemed to be working itself out a bit more in my work out. REALIZATION - I am not a failure and maybe this weight kept me a failure in my mind. When you offer someone friendship or love and you are a good person who is the failure if they don't want it? It is not my loss, although it makes me sad that will be the only power/emotion I am willing to carry. It does not define me at all. I know I am talking in circles and won't just come out and say what IT or who IT is but I guess it is more blogger therapy for me... for those of you who really know me, you can probably figure it out. I just know this... my mind is racing and I am the one who is FINALLY winning the race in my mind and quite honestly I am friggin pissed off that I took this long... not negative self talk pissed but motivated pissed. walking on the T-mill I just was so angry but at peace and I found it so motivating to increase the speed and the incline and boy did I get a good 30 minutes in! I have the song "You ain't seen nothing yet" in my mix and it came on while I was reviewing all the crap in my head and it opened the flood gates for sure!

just know this people channeling emotions to finally work for you instead of against you is a peaceful feeling. I love it.

1st Goal Accomplished

I have set a goal of 12lbs a month. I have one more week to go to finish my first month so next week's weigh in will be money in the bank. I am very excited about that and excited about the fact that 12 icky pounds have left me. Positive thinking is winning the race here and there is just no looking back. I have a bit more to go so not a lot of people noticing after all it is only 12 lbs not like it is the same as 50lbs BUT both my kids did notice when they returned home on Sunday... I can notice in my clothes and my knee especially... for any strangers out there that may happen along this blog I blew my knee out last November playing volleyball and had complete knee reconstruction with a torn ACL. It has been horrible rehabbing and put the extra weight on it! You would think that would have been the "duh" moment for me to get this weight off but NOOOOOOOO.... I was told a few years ago that the weight would come off at the right moment in time for me and FINALLY I have hit that moment. I have never felt so strong about anything so I have no doubts this is it!! well I also had some pictures taken by my friend Ruth who is an awesome photographer. It was not the funnest thing I have done because I had to wear a tight t-shirt to show all the flab....oh joy.... but it will be great to look back on my progress. I will go to her every month for a new shot and at the end of this have a visual journal to show and remember that I am never coming back to this place! No Kobe burger with Gorgonzola cheese is worth being FAT!
Next summer I plan on hitting the linx and getting my golf game up to par and that is going to take getting the girls trimmed down and getting in shape. motivation motivation motivation

have a lot to prove to myself, my kids and "others"

be an active participant in life instead of a bystander!

The train is still movin'

finishing up week 3 tomorrow and headed to week 4 and it has been smooth sailing 99% of the time. have had the fleeting moments of wanting to dig into the chocolate chip bag and chow down, but have resisted. Have had to face down the pizza man twice and that was not as painful as expected. I just want to get to the finish line with this and so far :-) I am not willing to compromise at all! People it has all been in the mind and it is the shift I have been waiting for!! Amen I say!! I have been very careful about the situations I have put myself in and I try to avoid ones I don't' feel I am to be trusted in yet! coffee stands being one of them...I do miss the mocha breve's...ooohh how I miss that but the cost of not having them is worth the gain in my life and health. I have to admit I do feel better, not so dog tired when I get home from work, so something has shifted with that just by eating healthy. amazing how we can mistreat ourselves so easily and for me getting this feel for getting my life in order with the weight loss has become a journey in visiting some old feelings and doubts and maybe this time really seeing them for what they are.

progress is never easy, but it sure feels good.

no boredom here

so one of my concerns was that I would get tired of the constant boxed, microwave meals... the plan is a no brainer in the fact that you just read off your menu what is on the agenda and hit your freezer a couple of times a day. I think the real key here for me is I make sure I do not eat it out of the container. I always plate up my food and sit down and eat at the table. My mind frame is just not willing to budge from this program and I don't know if it is because the program is easy or because I have FINALLY hit the point in my life that this is it for me... NOW OR NEVER. I started my class back up yesterday and it has a pretty big homework load to it. that is of some concern to me because I don't want to get bogged down and fall back in any patterns. WOW... just typing that seemed like an old tape, an out for an excuse and self doubt...just not going to have any of that attitude anymore!!! so I guess I will call this blogging therapy. alrighty then, on with the day
till' later

more progress

last night weigh in down 3 lbs for a total of 8.6. tried not to be disappointed with this although I was not surprised at the amount... then I put it into some perspective... average 3lbs a week = 12 lbs a month = all weight off in less than a year. that is more than I can ask for. So my goal is 12 lbs a month. if I take that off in one week or four weeks it is the same goal. so I guess I felt better about my 3 lbs then.

goal for this week / daily exercise! I would like to get ahead of the curve for my goal so if a low drop week happens I have some lost weight in the bank so to speak.

I am still feeling good about the program and starting to plan my own meals. I hope by the end of week 6 I can incorporate at least a couple meals a week non JC.

updates updates

This picture was taken today ~ Aug 13 2007~ at my private cell phone photo shoot in my office! wanted to see if some of the chub is going away in the jowls! So I have been at this for 2 full weeks now. so far so good and I am feeling pretty good about my progress. of course I would like it to just go away in the blink of an eye but that ain't gonna happen. I truly am satisfied with just going in the right direction. this weekend was a struggle for me. I just wanted to munch, so I ate salad instead. not very exciting I know! I keep making myself repeat that I want to wear what I want, not eat what I want. I am feeling like I am headed to going into my "in a rut" mode and I know it is probably self sabotage, have to keep the positive thoughts flowing in the mind.

ok...big weigh in tonight and I will come back to post the results!!

STARTING POINT

I have finally managed to find a picture that gives a starting point...face wise.... to a before shot. It is sad... I really don't see that fat face when I look in the mirror??? I guess the anorexic sees a fat chick and the fat chick sees ... well not a fat chick?? LOL... anyhoo.... it is a start and I hope my face still isn't that chubby!

No worries here...

passed the first real test with flying colors. The whole fam damily had a gathering tonight and my oldest sis, bless her heart, had it catered with BBQ! YUM... I ate before I went and didn't even look at the food nor want any of it. not even a twinge! yet another sign that this is really it for me. And to top that off, left there to take Kayla to her friends house, and they requested Burger King... had a fleeting thought about getting the new purple cherry slurpee thing, but passed that by pretty easily as well. Keeping the mind set this is it... no looking back and that "food" (BBQ and drive thru) are just not worth the trouble the get me into. It is too hard being overweight... although I consider myself "athletically overweight", I am ready to be athletically in shape! not spending another decade of my life waiting for the magic solution and instead creating my own. Ok...the dreadmill is calling my name, time to strap up the knee brace, get the kick ass motiviating music cranked and get some of this fluff off of my bones!

week 1 down

so success came very easy this week and my mind frame is that it will continue this way. drinking more water and getting the knee brace on to work out so that is good. Have had great success with the food plan, only a few items so far that will not be coming back, but it has been good and satisfying. I have been worried that I would be tempting fate when I entered the grocery store or drove by that mocha stand but it simply is not an issue at this poinot. I want this too much for a whole lot of reasons and some of those reasons are VERY motivating at this point!! I just want to get my thoughts and madness down in this online journal and have something to reflect back on when it is all said and done. Since I am always on the computer this makes more sense to me anyways...

well not a whole lot on my mind right now. more latah!!

some thoughts

there are things that I want so badly but have not put in the real work to get those things. why? where did the tenacious girl go that I knew long ago. I see her coming back to the surface in many ways. I am a person of great faith and spiritual beliefs and I know that this journey I am on right now is coming together as an answered prayer. I have faith in God and I feel like I am finally turning this part over to Him so I may move on to other parts of my life. I look forward to continuing to reclaim myself and rebuilding myself. I have done a lot of great things since being single and some not so great. But today I just feel as if I have turned the corner or am at the corner ready to turn??? It is an edge I am standing on and ready to grow on that edge. I know what I want and where I want to be and now I have to do the work. I have to... I know in my heart that something or someone is headed to me and I have not lost that faith but I have put it on the back burner so I may fix the things I need to fix. It is not over by a long shot, I can feel it. I guess I have been on this computer looking at some old stuff and listening to some great motivational music and it got me here typing out this online journal putting it down into some sense although maybe only making sense to me. I feel ready and not scared.

so in looking at some pictures on my computer I thought I would post this one of me and 2 of my sisters taken in Aug of 2006. It is one of my favorites pictures and thought it should be posted.

do I dare say??

I feel a bit more motivated to get off my duff and work out... take the next step. I am pushing myself to eat right and change those habits but taking the whole workout thing slow. the last time I got into a great exercise mode I did it slow and only what I could and increased on that! so that is my plan this time as well. I really feel like something has clicked and I don't dare let those thoughts in my head of "yeah right" stay. Old tapes as someone who I paid a lot of money to would tell me! :o) oh such a battle but maybe for the first time I have actually crossed into being on the offense of the battle instead of defense. it literally brings to me to tears...not real tears but they are there wanting to pour out! OK, so I am strapped into the knee brace and the dreadmill is calling my name. time to put my money where my mouth is..

til' later

Tues to Friday

WOW...I am really feeling good about my start on the program. it has been easy and I have never felt so motivated. I don't want to jinx myself but my daily focus is simply to be positive AND to realize it is just food... not my life. it feels good to have a different focus. I have a goal to live just one day at a time, one meal at a time. now I need to get going on getting the exercise in the daily routine. Life is good right now!! pictures to come I promise

Aug 2nd

I am finding this journey right now to be pretty easy. I am not focusing on the food and just eating to live instead of living to eat. I know....everyone says that but that really has become a change for me and I pray each day it will be true for the next day. I plan on getting the pictures posted this weekend although I don't know who in the heck will ever read this blog, at this point I feel like it is more of an online journal for me to keep my thoughts and motivations in order.

speaking of motivation, I feel a real sense of it. I am so ready in many ways to get my poop in a group and just get my life back on track. I think that starts with me, which means feeling better about myself and accomplishing some goals! tired of going through the motions here!

I realize I am only a few days into this here, but so happy to get thru one day and look forward to the next. I haven't struggled much other than the thought of an iced mocha breve tonight as I drove my daughter to a friends house. I resisted. didn't want it that much... I have too much to gain by losing :0)

well it is getting late and I am going to try to get a good nights sleep tonight... I have been struggling with that as I am a NIGHT OWL!!

Day 2 too good to be true

wow... I guess I am learning. new to blogging but excited to be sharing my journey and have a place to track my thoughts! I have been a professional dieter for 20 years! am a true believer that ANY plan you go on can work. You just need to follow it right! well, I am on day 2 of Jenny Craig! Yes I called Jenny! I have done it all and been successful at some just to gain it back. What brought me to this program was I need someone else to do the leg work and plan for me right now. I have many irons in the fire and having to add constant prep of "diet" food just wasn't working! so here I am. I guess I will share a little about myself incase anyone actually reads this :0)



40 / divorced / 2 great kids / finishing masters in teaching / still recovering from ACL surgery November of 2006 / just want to be healthy and not work so hard at being fat! / could get into the whole deep reasons for the weight but I'll save that for another blog! I have some doozy stories to share.... maybe...



hope that made sense. it is hard work to be fat... and I am tired of it, so if I have to work hard because I carry all this extra weight around I might as well work hard at losing it. In my 20 year career of losing weight I have only had this resolve one other time and I was very successful at taking the weight off... and then I got pregnant! the rest is history. I am a mad woman when I am pregnant! but considering I no longer have the parts to have more children I no longer have that worry.



so here is my plan since I have over 100 lbs to lose... I am taking it 25 lbs. at a time. I am excited to blog and record my progress and hopefully I can learn how to attach a picture soon!! my motto: I would rather wear what I want then eat what I want!